Wednesday, March 4, 2009

the chase

I am thinking about the chase. The hunt. Adrenaline. Fear.

I am undergoing the chase. I am experiencing adrenaline. I am hunted; at the same time I am hunting. Fear is running its course through me; it must come to an end.

I am searching for a way out. Perhaps I could lie down. Give up the chase. Give up myself as prey; hope for a swift end to the rising panic in my tight chest.

I can't really hope for a swift end, can I?

So now I am looking for an answer. Could there be a safe place to hide that my eyes have not seen? Keenly I am searching; dashing first left then right; searching for some cover sufficient to swallow me whole; and at last I am seeing a possibility, a poor place to conceal my sorry hide; and the thought is coming to me…

don’t give up the chase…

Peter Volkofsky, our mission director, visited us in the team house this week. His visit reminded me that what we are doing is unlike what normal people choose to do do with their life. I am coming to see that problems are not solved in ordinary ways here on team. Where I would normally seek an end to any difficulties I might face, in this case I am choosing to remain within the difficulties and see whether they can be transformed by patience, love and grace.

What I hope for is that I can be transformed by patience, love and grace. And that that could mean something for my world.

Pete reminds me of the character of Sol in Diana Wynne Jones' 1975 novel Dogsbody. So practical, so joyful, so fearsome. It's a marvellous work. Like so many of her stories, expected traditional values are subverted and a fresh understanding becomes possible. I always feel transformed when I read one of her ingenious denouments. I feel like something in me gets unknotted.

Dogsbody contains a chase sequence where the main character, a dog, joins in with the chase of Arawn and his dogs. In Welsh mythology, Arawn was king of the otherworld realm of Annwn. His hounds would ride through the the skies in autumn, winter, and early spring. The baying of the hounds was identified with the crying of wild geese as they migrate and the quarry of the hounds as wandering spirits, being chased to Annwn. Jones' chase sequence was the inspiration of my little reflection this evening. It is worth a read if you ever get your hands on the novel.

image source:

1 comment:

  1. Katie, this is beautiful. I'm so honoured to have read this. I feel like I've been drawn into a glimpse of your life and left feeling refreshed and renewed for the fight.
    Thank you. K xx